


I Heard A Tapping

by chrissy2



Category: American Girls: Felicity - Various Authors, Felicity - An American Girl Adventure (2005)
Genre: Ben still seeing the battlefeild, F/M, Felicity's ferocious temper, borderline-dangerous fights, intense chemistry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-15 09:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13610460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrissy2/pseuds/chrissy2
Summary: Ben breaks his promise a second time and runs away to join the militia again. Felicity experiences hardship and changes without him. When he returns to Williamsburg, nothing is the same.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing and I get no money.

_~~~~Come back with me. Please._

_You really are a coward, aren't you, Benjamin Davidson._

 

**I**

He broke his promise, again - (oh the humanity) - and ran away to become a soldier, and succeeded this time. When the war was over, Ben didn't know what took longer: His time in battle or the walk back to Williamsburg. Or the days - (or the hours, minutes?) - before the walk, with him thinking about returning to Yorktown, to his family, or to Williamsburg, to his other family.

Or rather, to one person. A girl. A girl who was probably a girl no more.

He returns to Yorktown and stays for a short while, or perhaps longer, having the time of his life smoking and drinking with old boyhood friends and discussing politics. But her voice would not let him be, neither the sin of him breaking his apprenticeship, and he made his way back to Williamsburg. The waves of dust brought to the town air by the business made him think of the smoke of war, and all the ringing or booming noises made him jump.

Ben's first attempt at reconciliation was at the Merriman store, still looking very much the same, now run by the girl herself, with little William in the position he once had. William wasn't so little anymore (a teen-ager, he would say), but apart of Ben couldn't help but see him as such. Perhaps apart of him was still an innocent Williamsburg apprentice, as much as a part of him will always be a young soldier. Even if William were to be fully grown, Ben's mind would probably still find a way to see him with a baby's face.

And on this day, it was poor little William and other bystanders that witnessed the first of him and Lissie's nasty bickering.

By that time, Felicity's hairs had grown so vibrantly red that the ex-soldier, for a mere moment, mistakened it for a pool of blood trailing down her neck and breast and he had to brush off the urge to run and tend to her wound.

Sir Davidson: "You were just a child. You didn't understand."

Lady Merriman: "You were a child too! I'm sure being a soldier wasn't as glorious as you dreamt it would be."

Sir Davidson: "It's not about glory."

Lady Merriman: "Then why go to a war at all."

Sir Davidson: "There was no avoiding what was all around us, Miss Merriman."

Lady Merriman: "You promised."

Sir Davidson: "I did."

Lady Merriman: "And you broke it."

Sir Davidson: "Yes, Miss Merriman. That was a most shameful thing to do."

Lady Merriman: "Like a child."

Sir Davidson: "Bloody hell. I didn't do it to hurt you or anyone else."

Lady Merriman: "But you did."

Sir Davidson: "I couldn't live with myself knowing that there was something I could do about it! You wouldn't understand."

Lady Merriman: "If I could not or cannot understand, then don't bother. You will do yourself good by leaving my store, Mister Davidson. You are frightening my customers."

Sir Davidson: "I don't believe it is I that is frightening anyone, Miss Merriman. We're not through."

Lady Merriman: "Off with you."

On the way back out, Ben stomped down the busy dirt road and he thought to himself,  _That damn girl. It was her that was being frightening,_ and this actually made Ben break into a visible smile and chuckle. 

 

**II**

Lissie's fire was still there after all these years, but it was not excitement and love of all things - it was anger. Anger accompanied by being jaded. The revolution resulted in the deaths of the Master and Madam Merriman: The flash of a Loyalist bullet and a fever, crippled by a broken heart. 

 

**III**

When they weren't fighting at the store, they were fighting at the Merriman home, or rather, in the yard of the Merriman home. With the publicity of their arguments, it was a wonder how Lissie still had customers or how neither of them not even once served time behind bars for disturbing the peace. Perhaps the slow, lazy, peaceful community looked forward to the excitement and unpredictability of their arguments.

 

**IV**

There was no way Ben was ever going to dream normally again, at least not for many years to come. Images of blood in the snow and fingers and toes effected by the frost were always present. He couldn't look at a golden Williamsburg feild without mistakening the shadows of rocks for lifeless bodies. He couldn't, at first glance, see a mother or father carrying their sleeping infant children without mistakening them for corpses. Sometimes he wondered if he should see a doktor, or turn himself into an asylum, but he appeared to be functioning normally, and the asylums were no doubt crowded and had low funding for the time being.

Lissie had once chased Ben out of her yard with an iron skillet and then, on another day, with a pitch fork, which admittedly was a little comical afterwards (and it must have certainly been for her more laid-back neighbors).

Then Lissie pulled out a gun on him one day, _I'm warning you, Mister Davidson,_ and Ben felt the winter of that year all over again. Fortunately, Ben did not have his gun with him - (he thought it best to throw them out or sell them; his thoughts could sometimes grow dark when he was alone) - otherwise instinct would have made him reach for it in his belt that very instant. 

Ben put his hands up: "For gods sake, Lissie..."

"Do  **not** address me so informal, sir." She seemed to be trembling with each word. 

"You're  **not** a killer, Lissie!"

 

**V**

_**Did my heart love 'til now?** _

_**Forswear it sight,** _

_**For I** _ _**never saw true beauty 'til this night.** _

 

**VI**

It was Nan who saved that fight, the one who tempted Fate. The bickering had gone on for so long that she no longer lingered in fear for them: **"** **Felicity Merriman, you put that blasted thing down this instant."**

Her voice was as angry as Felicity's, but there was something to it. Ben had been gone for nearly years, and the Madam Merriman had long since passed of an illness, but he swore up and down his miserable life that Madam Merriman was speaking through Nan at that moment. 

 

**VII**

_**Good pilgrim,** _

_**You do wrong** _

_**Your hand too much.** _

 

**VIII**

And yes, at one point, Ben had snuck out into the dead of night to lightly throw pebbles at what he believed to be Lissie's window. (You never could tell; she was so unpredictable: As the Lady of the house, would she take the master bedroom or close it off for the sake of respect and memory?) Ben had been whistling and nearly singing along to lines from Romeo and Juliet in his head as he was doing it too.  _Perhaps I should turn myself into an institution now._

Lissie (opens the shutters and huffs): "Ben - what are you doing."

Ben (not planning to be mesmorized by the sight of her in her loose gown and hair untied under the moonlight): "I love you."

It is my Lady!

Oh, it is my Love!

Lissie: "Ben, when is this going to stop."

Ben: "When you let me fix what I have done to you."

Lissie: "What needs to be fixed?"

Ben: "Your trust in me."

Lissie: "It won't be fixed."

Ben: "I've always loved you."

Lissie: "A funny display of it."

Ben: "Please."

Lissie: "Over my dead body."

 

**IX**

A more sensible person would wonder why he would keep going back to a person who was angry enough to almost kill him. Well, for starters, Ben was no longer sensible. His dreams were forever tainted by a mistake he willingly made, and stubbornly made. Day and night, wake and sleep, he saw the battlefeild. He saw blood and snow and missing limbs and corpses and felt the coldness of that winter, even when sitting by the fire. 

He had cursed himself. He brought it upon himself. And as much as he saw death and near-death, he saw Felicity. He thought and dreamt of her just as much. 

And to add to that: He was a cursed man who was madly in love.

Even when she her face flushed with anger and frustration, she was beautiful. Even when she said hurtful things.

 

**X**

Perhaps at some point in our lives, we all curse ourselves. Because as Ben had cursed himself, his dear Felicity seemed to as well, with her own hateful words. Days later, Miss Nan - ('Miss Nan', for unlike William, Nan had always been a young lady to Ben, waiting to grow bigger) - Little William, and Polly came running most hastily to his door.

Miss Nan: "Mister Davidson! Mister Davidson! Come quick!"

Ben ran back to the Merriman home with them, where he hesitantly entered the kitchen door - (the kitchen door, for that is where Miss Nan led him) - and there was Lissie's limp body sprawled across the floor, her long red hairs like a splatter of blood from a bullet to the head.

Ben got down on his knees and gently turned her around to face her front, a hand pushing the hairs out of her face and feeling for a fever.

Romeo (he whispers): "Are you alright?"

Juliet: [No response; only short breathes, as if in pain.]

Ben carries Lissie to her bed while Miss Nan runs for the doktor.


	2. Chapter 2

**I**

When Lissie wakes and sees Ben for the first time during her strange illness, she at first seems like she hardly had the strength to move at all, not even to speak. Ben walks over to her bedside, gets on his knees and leans in,  _Lissie, are you alright?_

Her arm suddenly swings around and the palm of her hand stings his face.

It was a dirty trick, but Ben was more impressed by it. In response to this, he grabs her swinging, stinging hand and kisses it on the smooth top.

_I am happy to see you, Felicity._

_Don't you try and make me forget how mad I am at you, Benjamin Davidson._

 

**II**

The cup of coffee Nan had prepared for him had run cold, and the impatient Ben stands up immediately when the doktor finally steps out of the master room.

Doktor: "Uh, Ben, is it? You wouldn't happen to be Benjamin Davidson, would you?"

Mister Davidson: "Aye, sir. I am him."

Doktor (smiles a wrinkly smile, warming the mood at least for a moment): "I thought I recognized you. If I remember correctly, you were once an apprentice to Miss Merriman's father?"

Mister Davidson (now suddenly feeling dreadful and his face shows, eyes roaming downward): "Aye, sir."

Doktor: "Be not afraid. I know you broke your vows to become a soldier. But you musn't feel cursed, my boy. You wanted to fight for our independence."

Mister Davidson: "I thank you for saying so, sir."

Doktor: "It wasn't what you thought it would be, was it?"

The air is poignant now.

Mister Davidson: "No, sir."

Doktor: "It was a mistake. You only wanted the best. And Miss Merriman..."

Mister Davidson: "Yes, sir. What must I do?"

Doktor: "What must you do, my dear boy..."

The Doktor wanders into the sitting room and Ben follows. They each take a seat.

Doktor (continues): "Miss Lissie was quite a spirited child, as you remember." [Ben nods.] "And I know the world of Adults has a way of dulling down the spiritedness of children. But Miss Lissie never let it influence her. What I think has jaded our dear Miss Merriman is another matter."

Mister Davidson: "What do you think?"

Doktor: "It is best that a doktor not be sentimental. But I truly feel that her illness has been brought on by matters of the Heart."

Mister Davidson: [Quietly stares.]

Doktor: "Miss Lissie seems to be suffering from lack of nutrition and rest. She is underweight and her eyes are darker. Times are hard right now under our mess of a fresh Republic, but hopefully not for much longer. But I believe it is a bit more than that."

Ben was trying to think of a response when Nan stepped into the room and asked if the gentlemen would like some more coffee. They thank her.

Doktor: "You understand what I'm saying, Mister Davidson."

Mister Davidson (nods, although he feels the doktor has more to say): "I believe I do."

Doktor: "I remember seeing you two walking together when you were younger. She must have said the darnest things to make you smile like that. She was a silly thing, holding up hoards of her skirts and petticoats like that. You two seemed to share some secrets."

Mister Davidson (shyly smiles again at the memory): "Indeed."

Doktor: "She was the one who convinced you to come back the first time you ran."

Mister Davidson: "I injured my leg along the way..."

Doktor: "And you felt she was the only one you could trust. Did she rat you out?"

Mister Davidson: "No, sir."

Doktor: "Hm. A loyal friend, indeed. And for her to love her family so much - she must have once had a secret she entrusted you with. It's exciting to have such a bond, to hold secrets no one else knows about. And you were a shy boy until she came along."

Mister Davidson: "..."

Doktor: "Unless there was already a fire inside you waiting to come out. Was your family Loyalist?"

Mister Davidson: "For a long time."

Doktor: "Master Merriman must not have told anyone that you were missing a second time. Probably to save himself and his family the embarrassment. Because I did not know. I did not hear anyone else talk about it. Although all of a sudden, it was Lissie that started taking your place and running errands for you. I guess they gave up trying to make her a young Lady. That role was clearly for her fine young sister."

Mister Davidson: [Chuckles.]

Doktor: "Some days, I would see her running errands with another young girl, a girl named Elizabeth, I believe. Other days, she was alone. It was strange. Then I believe Elizabeth must have moved away or another, and then - Master Merriman started writing to me. He was starting to worry about his little Lissie. She started losing focus when at the store. She had a difficult time concentrating, and she would lose her way in the very town she grew up in while running errands. He thought it best to find yet another replacement. Marcus, I believe. She was not smiling as much. She started being quiet during meals. And she seemed to be tired all the time. Although she still loved horses. But eventually, she started riding less and less. And she started to protest doing household chores less and less. Master Merriman really thought she had a broken heart."

 

**III**

Ben snorted awake when he heard a thump. He rose his head from the desk, his neck, shoulders and arms aching and found a lump of clothes on the floor by the master bed. When his vision cleared, he saw it was Lissie, attempting to either sit up or crawl.

Ben stood, a bit light headed: "Lissie! What happened?"

When he reached down for her, he expected her to fight back, but she didn't, not physically, anyway: "I can't just stay in bed all day and night. There are things to do."

Ben: "How can you get things done if you can barely stand?"

Lissie: "Are Nan and Will and Polly alright?"

Ben: "They are."

Lissie: "I need to get back to Father's store."

Ben: "Will and I are taking care of it."

They bicker a bit more and then Lissie goes quiet from dizziness. Ben felt that he could read her mind at this point. She wanted to say thank you and that she was tired of fighting him, but she was too prideful. He lifted her up onto the bed and Lissie grasped his shoulder, probably to support herself, although her grip wasn't that harsh, no doubt from her current state of weakness. Then that hand lingered to his collar and her fingertips - (inadvertly?) - tickled his throat, sending chills down his arms and back. Then those fingers slid down his shirt and proceeded down his upper breast and Ben was about to ask what she was doing when she grabbed his signal whistle and pulled it out as far as the necklace would allow. 

They share shy smiles.

_May I see your signal whistle?_

_Only soldiers may use it in case of an emergency._

_You're no soldier._

_I will be someday._

"So what was it like?"

Ben is shaken out of the distant memory of child play: "What?"

"You know. The battlefield."

 

**IV**

Nan brings a tray of coffee and fills in their choice of sugar count and cream. They thank her, she courtsies and leaves.

Doktor: "Then Master Merriman, god rest his soul, got shot by a British soldier. He was trying to aid the sick and injured. What side you were on did not matter to him. He was with me at the time, while Lissie ran the store and did what she could in his absence. I tried my best, but it was too fatal. I was the one who told them. Shortly after the war, Madam Merriman passed, and Lissie rose up again, but I don't think she truly recovered. She rose up because she had to. She was the eldest."

As he was listening to this, Ben thought about how, in despite of it all, he did not have to worry about such responsibilities as a soldier and when he returned to his family in Yorktown. As a soldier, yes, they suffered, but they relied on each other and were taken care of by their officials and the towns in their way. And in Yorktown, while his family had split in two from bitter politics, he was congratulated and celebrated. Although divided, he still had his kin. He still had his folks. He still had his siblings.

Doktor (finally asks): "Do you love Miss Merriman, Ben?"

Ben: "Very much."

Doktor: "I had hoped so. I don't know why else you would come back and have a series of fights with her for."

Ben: [Scratches the back of his head.]

Doktor: "What you must do, Mister Davidson, is fix what you have broken. Her and yourself. Then help her fix what she has broken."

 

**V**

Ben tells her about the first soldier days until she seems to stare at the ceiling with distressed eyes. Ben stops: "Am I saddening you?"

Lissie: "Ben...I've killed two men."


	3. Chapter 3

**I**

He feels like he can see it every morning, through the main kitchen window, the one that views the garden. There's some kind of spell on that window, a spell that makes you day dream of nightmares.

 

**II**

There's also a spell on the golden field right out back of the Merriman home. Ben still mistakens the rocks for lifeless bodies, but when he lays by Lissie in that field, she casts another spell on him: She looks like an angel and it seems like they are in the Heavens, floating on large yellow clouds, and all he wants to do is embrace her and kiss her.

 

**III**

Ben: "During the revolution?"

Lissie: [Only nods.]

Ben: "How did you kill them?"

Lissie: "With my Father's rifle. He taught me how just in case."

Ben: "Why did you kill them?"

Lissie (takes a dry gulp, and there is a poignant smile): "I seem to have lost my head."

Ben: "Why did you lose your head?"

Lissie: "When Father died, I went blind. With rage. I must have heard voices that weren't there, and I aimed to kill the nearest red soldier. I did it a second time out in the wood. I went looking for them. I killed him because I wanted to."

Ben: "Only two? What stopped you?"

Lissie: "You did."

Ben: "Me?"

Lissie: "I went deaf and blind, and yet somehow, I still heard your voice, among others. You were telling me this wasn't honorable. You told me this wasn't what Father or Mother would have done. That this was neither gentlemanly nor ladylike. This was just murder. I buried him with the other soldier, went home, did what I was supposed to, and eventually, the voices stopped. Although I sometimes hear ringing and booming. I can't tell if is just my head or not."

 

**IV**

Perhaps one day, the voices and the visions will stop for the both of them, or they will just distract each other from them.


End file.
